You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
