I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
