I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
