I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
