Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I have tasted many bathrooms
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
