help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
