I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
