I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize