this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
