Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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