Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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