ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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