so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
