u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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