Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
