I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
