I can tuck mytits in my pants
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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