You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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