just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
