i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
My vagina just recognized that song.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize