Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
