shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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