Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Randomize
