Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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