god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
