She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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