I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
