I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Actions speak louder than pants.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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