he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
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