"it" just moved
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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