Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
