the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize