I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
