White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
