Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
