Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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