No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
