suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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