I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
