Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
