i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
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