what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
