Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
