I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
