Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
as a side note pls kill me
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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