Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
