I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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