she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
