Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
