Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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