its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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