so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
