Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
