Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
