Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
