I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize