exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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