I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
