Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
