Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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