Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
