Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
he thought i was a dude.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
