I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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